I am at 33-weeks now. I should start packing up hospital bag and standby it in the car right now, isn't it? Ya Allah, time flew so fast. Dah nak masuk detik-detik akhir dah ne. Cuak. Seriously tiba-tiba rasa tak ready.
I've been thinking too much lately. Conflict kelahiran anak sulung perhaps. In certain time, I just can't wait the little angel to come out. And most of the time, I've been reacting insecurity. I will not have the same quality time together with my husband. I pity my husband that my attention will shift a bit (yeke a bit?) to the baby. I am worried if I can't adapt and take care of my husband like the whole 1st year of marriage. After this, everything will be about the little angel, no? I believed everyone having this syndrome too. Kan?? I know what I felt is wrong. I should have not ever think like that. Dear baby, Ummi loves you. Don't get me wrong.
So, I've been acting weird lately. Semua benda I risau like it was the last time for husband-wifey thingy. Macam, let's go the vacation BERDUA. No one else can tag along. Because after this, we are no more TWO. It will be THREE and it kind of freaking me out. Jom tengok wayang last before deliver. After this, we both may have to wait maybe about a year before we can have movie date together. My hubs jenis suka tengok movie, but lately we really choose the movie to watch. Yep, we both agak traditional. We don't watch The Hobbit, sebab banyak sangat makhluk rupa pelik dalam tu. Cerita heavy dan technology terlebih pun tak tengok. Takut ada sounds yang tiba-tiba kuat. The baby inside can hear right now. We both memang dah sacrifice tak pergi karok since I tau I pregnant. Risau. Takut baby membesar dengan dengar lagu melalaikan aje. Every parents have their own opinion, and this is our opinion. There is no right and wrong when it's about raising up your own child. :)
We postponed our annivesary vacation last December because of hubs got classes to attend. And now, we are contemplating to proceed with the vacation or not. First, I pun dah tak larat nak berjalan sangat. Sakit bontot is killing me day by day tau. Second, is it okay to travel jauh sikit from KL at this term? I takut terbersalin awal. My instinct, I am going to deliver early than EDD. Risau. Hubs macam tak agree nak pergi bercuti jauh-jauh. Kalau PD dia okay. PD? Owh, nak pergi tempat laen. Sobs. Honeymoon pun pegi PD. Then, there were 2 times we had family vacation there during school holiday. I feel the idea to have a short getaway should be postponed lagik, tapi I kan pelik. Nak the US-time for the last time. Lepas ne dah bertiga. Hmmmmm..
On the other note, I find it hard to carry my own body. People said the same thing too. Nampak susah benar gayanya. Kaki I bengkak sikit je, tapi betis I bengkak sakan betul. Betis I sekarang lagik besar dari betis my husband. Buruk. Kadang-kadang I over cakap I tak proportionate, sebab I nampak cam peha and betis lebih kurang size aje. Sobs :( Boleh ke bengkak kat betis I surut balik lepas deliver. Sebab I tak rasa macam betis I will get back to normal. Boleh ke pakai bengkung kat betis nanti? I think this pregnancy-hormone make me weird la. Yang peliknya, boleh pulak kaki I menampung berat badan dan betis I. Mungkin sebab tu I sakit bontot menyucuk-nyucuk kott.
People kan suka comment sini sana about our body kan? Macam they said perut I tak besar sangat for 33-weeks pregnant (hoiii, I dah rasa besaq gila dah ne), bontot dan breast bagai di pam-pam (kuang hajaq gila). My parents is at my place right now and mom just can't stop saying lengan I besar. It's true indeed and fyi truth hurts. Haha. Other comments like, nape hidung dengan muka I tak kembang? Hemoih hemoih, being pregnant is not being ugly weh. Dok beharap I turn out into monster je deme ne.
Alhamdulillah, I takde hitam-hitam kat muka or badan for the time being. Stretchmark pun alhamdulillah takde (so far). I must give credit to EMAB Stretch Oil. It do wonder. Alhamdulillah, I still get the pregnancy-glowing effect. Nak glowing sampai lepas bersalin boleh?
Overr. Haha. Despite the body aches everywhere especially kat bontot, the pregnancy had treating me well. I am surely gonna miss these moments.
And lately I found it hard to sleep at night. Macam sesak nafas, nak.termuntah and angin badan buat I tak selesa. Mengiring kiri salah, mengiring ke kanan lagik la salah. Melentang, duduk sume tak boleh. Last night, dekat pukul 4 baru boleh tido, tupun I dah bangun jalan-jalan, light exercise and sapu vapor balm for children kat dada. Seksa. Sebaek weekend. Kalau weekdays memang dah tak pergi kerja today. Time subuh bangun pening pale ya rabbi macam nak hentak pale kat dinding. Pukul 9.30am I dah tak tahan, lepas sidai baju terus tido sampai pukul 2pm. Puas hati. Haha.
Last few nights, I woke up in the middle of the night sebab tak tahan perut menegang macam nak merekah. Sakit ya rabbi. Ada la dekat an hour. I cepat-cepat bukak lampu, I takut perut I merekah betul-betul, pastu pergi cek kot-kot bleeding ke ape. I taktau la Braxton Hicks ke ape, tp BH supposedly on off kan? Ne macam pro-longed for an hour. I ingat I dah nak bersalin dah. First timer la katakan? Baby pun kicking gila-gila, buat betambah tak selesa. Risau betul I. The next day, I monitored baby movements okay je, so I pun rasa lega sikit.
Lately disebabkan syndrome rasa tak ready nak having a baby, I selalu la mimpi bersalin. Bersalin normal, c-sect sume I dah merasa dalam mimpi. Fikir banyak sangat camne la. I lebih kepada cuak, takut actually. Boleh ke I tahan sakit, boleh ke I? Risauuu. Pastu nanti baby dah lahir I nak buat ape dulu? Okay, perempuan ne memang suka fikir unnecessary things and will trigger unnecessary stress jugak. No good, no good.
Girls, please pray for me. Moga sentiasa tenang dan pada masa yang sama dapat prepare myself supaya lebih bersedia. Fuhhhhh....