Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Midlife Crisis

Salam :)

Overr tau tajuk. Midlife la sangatt. Have you ever been questioning yourself like, what am I doing here in the office? Is it something you are passionate about?

I don't know about myself. Seriously. That's why I called it as crisis. Dolu-dolu, I am so in love with what I'm doing. I tak kesah work till late night (almost everyday) and have to come to the office on weekend. But now, pagi-pagi sampai ofis dah rasa sampai bila I nak macam ne?

I love the working environment. The bosses, colleagues and everything in the office seems to be the things that still motivate me to the office every day. I just don't know what I really want.

Yang pasti I love to study again. Ya allah, rasa tu memuncak. Thinking of belajar part time, lots of things to sacrifice pulak. You get what I mean? I'm talking about time. Belajar full time? I sayang nak let go the perks and paycheck every month. You know, when at the end of financial year, I 'll get 3-4months bonus. The salary selalu revised, recent increment 15%, sape nak bagi. Belum lagi outpatient and hospitalized benefits. Yeah, living in KL, those things memang membantu. Tambah lagi sekarang, dengan anak yang akan pop out dah tentu-tentu dapat benefit unlimited.

I was once rasa being lecturer is something yang I looking forward. Tapi boleh ke maen rasa-rasa je. I cannot turn back once I decide. The pros, of course time yang flexible and I enjoy teaching (I guess I am). Nanti ada baby lagi la rasa malas nak pergi kerja pagi-pagi. Kalau jadi lecturer, boleh adjust time kan?
The cons would always be the salary tak sama dengan kerja sekarang. The benefits pun tak sama. Susahh!

I told my MIL about further study thingy. She then called her friend who is the Rector at one of the university in KL and her friend boleh nak tolong adjust the scholarship bagai. Tiba-tiba I jadi cuak, I terus cakap, I'll see how after confinement nanti. Haha. Tak boleh nak tetap pendirian kan I ne? My mom said, having a baby can't be an excuse. Hah, amek kau. I just don't know. I sayang benar nak let go bonus I. Sebab bonus march tahun depan pun I dah plan nak beli stroller, pergi vacation, buy the dream handbag and etc. Sayang oiii. Ne la orang cakap, 'baru dengar guruh berdentum di langit, air di tempayan dicurahkan'. Haha.

Orang cakap we can't have everything in life. Some things we have to let go. Tapi bole tak nak tamak, nak jugak kaut semua? Hee. Tapi macam mana ye?

Lepas dah deep thoughts fikir bagai and still tak dapat solution, I akan ignore the thoughts and let the wind swept it away. Then, bila tension kat ofis asyik terpaksa balik lambat, bila meeting explain orang asyik nak condemn, mula la terperangkap dalam midlife crisis balik.

Sampai bila nak macam ne? I taktau ape yang I nak actually. :l

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12 comments:

  1. Sama mcm i. I skrg mane ada semangat nk pg keje. Once a week confirm i sakit kepala stress sume. I smpai ckp dgn husband i bole tak tolong kejutkn i pg2 then bg i semangat pg keje :(

    I nak quit syg sbb i keje government. Mak i pn confirm bising. Husband pn ckp selagi tak stabil jgn quit. Tp serius i keje pn tak sepenuh hati skrg. Hmmm

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ble x smgt rs nk mc je manjang kan? Heee.
      Btl gk ckp ur husband,kt kl ne smntra nk stabil baek keje gov dlu.

      Mst slalu monday blues cm i kn? Haha

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  2. U gain some u'll lose some yang. Itu yg aku pgg selama ni. N the perks of being a lect also not bad too. Tp perks scr internally la, my collegues ada ckp, nk kaya jgn jd lect. Haha. Aku support ko further study, but jd lect bkn flexible hours sgt pls. Aku keje 10am-10pm. Kdg2 nk dinner pn xlarat mkn coklat snikers dlm kete otw blk rmh supaya smpai rmh blh trus tdo. Haha. Bkn nk takutkn ko tau. Tp the thing is, this is my passion. Aku sgt lpg ht everytime masuk kls jmpa students. Rs penat smua tbang mlayang once masuk kelas. What abt u? Ask urself apa yg ko nk. Apa yg ko passionate sgt. Mabe its not teaching tp ko jz suka the flex hrs thingy. So why dont ko ceburkan dri dlm bisness then? Hah, mcmtu la mksdnya. Klu kta buat bnda yg kta suka, mcmna buruk pn the env kta ttp akan rs bhgia. Haha sorry melebih plk comment kt sni. No offence tau! I support u no matter what!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Aku skng smpai umah mst 9.30.. Penat weh...blk nk iron baju, bsh bju, sidai baju.x mcm time bujang dlu.kdg2 smpai umah trs tdo x mandi. Haha.
      Tu yg lagik rasa pe yg ak buat skang ne btl ke?

      Eh,kwn ak lecturer slalu ja blk awl weh. Pg2 kalo ank skt p keje kul 11. Ak blk keje die da ade kt umah. Tu yg ak rasa cm flexible hrs tu. Rupanya tak eh?

      Bisnes? Oh oh oh. Pernah terfikir tapi bukan skrg kot. Even parents ak ngn parents in law ak drh berbisnes kuat, tp x trn kt ak kot. Haha

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  3. hmmmmm i pulak dr sjk zmn bljr i mmg tau i xkan punya smbg bljr wpun dlm hati mcm cool je if dpt smbung master or phd like my friends.tp masa tu i set dlm kepala otak, i have commitments, i nk cari bf, kawin,ade anak n have a happy famly hahahaha.sungguh cita2 biasa.skrg pn pergi keje just to get gaji end of month.keje yg xsakit kepala,balik rumah no need to think psl kerja bole hadap anak.i aim nk jd housewife skrg haha tp sbb komitmen like bills etc terpaksa korban perasaan tu dlu.insyaallah one day. biasala perasaan u ni.i think most women alami nya :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Omg..i sjk pregnant lagi membuak nk jd housewife. Nnt dh ada anak kompem mmg makin membuak rs nk jg anak 24jam. Tp tula, commitment banyak..xbole sorg je keje fr the time being. Tgu ank 3 org bru berbaloi kot jg ank sendiri..
      Sobs.. Kte mmg kena go with the flow aje la skang.

      Delete
  4. setujuuu...

    pernah rasa apa u rasa.."apa aku buat kat sini?" tapi i jenis..kalo dah tak tahan..tahan lagi..tahan lagi..sampai takle bla.bla..haha..tu yang tahun lepas 3 company terus...tak sia-sia so far company sekarang i happy dan tak stress..

    belajar..? samala..sementara belum ada anak .plak tu..company jumaat half day..kadang rasa bosannya..takkan asyik nak window shopping..lagi bagus kalau bz belajar..diam tak diam dh dpt master..betul tak..tapi ai ada conflict nak amik course apa..i really hope dpt g oversea tp asben suggest master local, phd oversea..hmmm...

    lecturer?
    Waktu kat site dulu2 selalu snap gambar actual site condition so that bole share dgn student nanti..as if i ni experince gile la nk tnjk kat bebudak..haha..buttt...bak kata u..kalo dah jadi lecturer takkan nk stop plus i takde seruan nk jadi lecturer..haha..camner tu..plan ada seruan/minat tak muncul2..haha..

    semua ni consider krisis midlife eh...haha(i bajet muda lagi)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Zura.u halfday friday? Besnyee.u keje o&g eh? Jelessss. I pn penah rs nk further abroad. Tp sjk dh kawen, x rs dh nk blaja jauh2. Haha.

      Minat x mncul2 tu yg ssh tu.haha. Sbb minat tu la susah nk pupuk. :)


      Idak la midlife crisis. I pn xto nk pgl crisis ape. Ekekeke

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  5. iyer...o&g and half day friday..haha... kalo nak tukar kerja pun nak yang flexi hour andddd halfday friday...bole..? haha

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    1. Wah..cool gle keje o&g..tp workload bnyk la kn..sesuai ngn gajii. Hahhaa

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  6. Aku xtau la u lain tp tmpt keje aku mmg perah tenaga lect. Aku sekarang tengah sakit tp gagah jgk masuk kelas. Yg aku perasan collegue aku klu sakit mc dpt xdtg keje tp masuk kls. Means pg kampus just utk masuk kls. Aku smpai ckp commitment guru/pgajar ni lain mcm haha.

    Abt the hse wife thingy, that is my ultimate goal. aku yg blm kawen ni pn dh berangan sgt nk jg anak sndri. Lgla korg yg dh ada bby. In some way aku sgt jeles ngn meera. Hahaha.

    Apapun kta doa yg tbaik buat kta smua. InsyaAllah Allah akan bg yg baik2 utk kta. U have exp it b4 kan yang. Hehehe. Lect ke bisneswomen ke mkn gj ke hse wife ke, u r still my yayang hehehe

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  7. Hee..so sweet of u to say that :)
    Sayang ko

    ReplyDelete