Overr tau tajuk. Midlife la sangatt. Have you ever been questioning yourself like, what am I doing here in the office? Is it something you are passionate about?
I don't know about myself. Seriously. That's why I called it as crisis. Dolu-dolu, I am so in love with what I'm doing. I tak kesah work till late night (almost everyday) and have to come to the office on weekend. But now, pagi-pagi sampai ofis dah rasa sampai bila I nak macam ne?
I love the working environment. The bosses, colleagues and everything in the office seems to be the things that still motivate me to the office every day. I just don't know what I really want.
Yang pasti I love to study again. Ya allah, rasa tu memuncak. Thinking of belajar part time, lots of things to sacrifice pulak. You get what I mean? I'm talking about time. Belajar full time? I sayang nak let go the perks and paycheck every month. You know, when at the end of financial year, I 'll get 3-4months bonus. The salary selalu revised, recent increment 15%, sape nak bagi. Belum lagi outpatient and hospitalized benefits. Yeah, living in KL, those things memang membantu. Tambah lagi sekarang, dengan anak yang akan pop out dah tentu-tentu dapat benefit unlimited.
I was once rasa being lecturer is something yang I looking forward. Tapi boleh ke maen rasa-rasa je. I cannot turn back once I decide. The pros, of course time yang flexible and I enjoy teaching (I guess I am). Nanti ada baby lagi la rasa malas nak pergi kerja pagi-pagi. Kalau jadi lecturer, boleh adjust time kan?
The cons would always be the salary tak sama dengan kerja sekarang. The benefits pun tak sama. Susahh!
I told my MIL about further study thingy. She then called her friend who is the Rector at one of the university in KL and her friend boleh nak tolong adjust the scholarship bagai. Tiba-tiba I jadi cuak, I terus cakap, I'll see how after confinement nanti. Haha. Tak boleh nak tetap pendirian kan I ne? My mom said, having a baby can't be an excuse. Hah, amek kau. I just don't know. I sayang benar nak let go bonus I. Sebab bonus march tahun depan pun I dah plan nak beli stroller, pergi vacation, buy the dream handbag and etc. Sayang oiii. Ne la orang cakap, 'baru dengar guruh berdentum di langit, air di tempayan dicurahkan'. Haha.
Orang cakap we can't have everything in life. Some things we have to let go. Tapi bole tak nak tamak, nak jugak kaut semua? Hee. Tapi macam mana ye?
Lepas dah deep thoughts fikir bagai and still tak dapat solution, I akan ignore the thoughts and let the wind swept it away. Then, bila tension kat ofis asyik terpaksa balik lambat, bila meeting explain orang asyik nak condemn, mula la terperangkap dalam midlife crisis balik.
Sampai bila nak macam ne? I taktau ape yang I nak actually. :l