The Other Half

Salam :)

Ingat tak lagi I cite pasal bestfriend I yang husband dia kena cancer stage 4???

Too bad, her husband already left her on Saturday morning at 4am. :(

I taktau macam mana nak start cerita. I cant hold my tears. :( Masa bangun sahur pagi Sabtu tu, I tengok ada missed call from my friend at 4.26am. I dapat rasa benda tak best. I bekira-kira banyak kali before returned her call. Bila I rasa I kuat sikit, then I call dan dengar dia menangis slow. Dia just cakap, 'A dah takde'. I sampai menggeletar. I hanya mampu cakap, 'sabar.be strong.Allah loves him.'

Ya Allah, I bukan siapa-siapa dengan A. I anggap dia abang I, sebab I bestfriend dengan wife dia. Tapi kesan dari berita kematian dia, buat I tak mampu nak tanggung. Apatah lagik kawan I, L. She lost the other half of him. 

The last time I visited A was last 2weeks. Ralat. I ingat nak pergi weekend tu sebab nak belikan tilam lipat untuk L. Niat dihati nak masak bawak makanan kat L jugak. Bayangkan sebulan dia dok hospital tak balik, baju pun anta dobi ja cuci. Tido atas kerusi sandar ja. Tapi bila I tau kawan I yang laen tolong belikan tilam untuk dia dah, I cakap next time la I pergi. :(

L updated me about A everyday. Her husband start sakit teruk since last 2-months. L pun dah lama amek unpaid leave. Before jerebu start kat KL ne, A dah start susah bernafas. Masa tu L mintak tolong ktorang cari oxygen tank, tapi mahal. And ada one day tu A sesak nafas, terus bawak pergi hospital. Since then A masuk hospital. Mula-mula dekat ICU. Sedih tengok A. Tak larat pun nak bukak mata. Bila dia batuk lagik la, ditahan-tahannya sebab setiap kali batuk sakit sangat. I kalau pergi visit tak lama sangat, sebab tak sanggup tengok. 

Bila dah buat blood transfusion, he's getting better. So dipindahkan masuk ward biasa. Lega. Tapi lama-lama makin teruk. Susah nak bernafas, susah nak telan makanan. They decided buat radiotherapy bila A dah takleh gerak kaki dan tangan. The cancer cell dah block blood vein kat kaki dan tangan. L is one strong wife. Dia setiap 5minit akan ubah kedudukan kaki dan tangan husband dia. Sebab A lenguh tapi A nak cakap pun susah. L jaga A sakit tu lama, almost a year, tapi sekali pun tak merungut dan jarang nanges dan sedih depan A. Kalau ktorang pergi visit, L akan buat lawak gila-gila dan ktorang akan layan je, sebab nak bagi dia hilang stress. L susah tido malam, sebab dia takut kalau A nak ape-ape dia tertido. 

Pernah L cite, masa A kat rumah, dia pakaikan A pampers sebab kalau nak buang air besar susah nak gerak. L tak larat nak pimpin A ke toilet. Sekali tu A bangun, tiba-tiba pampers terjatuh, both of them memang gelak gila-gila. Lepas habes gelak tu, dua-dua menanges. Ya Allah, nasib baek masa dia cite tu on the phone. I ne dah mengalir air mata tak henti. 

Masa A buat radiotherapy, L akan menanges semahunya. Sebab time tu aje la dia dapat menanges puas-puas. Depan A, L takkan menanges. 

Last 3weeks,  bila L panggil ustaz-ustaz datang berubat A, semua ustaz tu cakap dah terlambat. Berdoa dan redha aje lah. L told me, she asked why people gave up so easily on A's condition? Hancur hati dia bila orang cakap macam tu. All i can said, 'all people in the world can give up easily on A, but not you and A. If L give up, A give up memang dah takde harapan.' Seriously, i lost words. 

A week after ustaz-ustaz tu cakap macam tu, L called me and cried her heart out. I biar dia menanges dalam 20minutes, then dia cakap doctor baru bitau dia, the cancer cell has spread all over A's body. Dah sampai brain pun. Doctor predicted A boleh bertahan few more weeks aje. I nanges sama-sama dengan dia. I hanya mampu cakap, 'doctor bukan tuhan.doctor just cakap based on the medical report. Miracle can happenned.' I ulang ayat tu je kat dia. 

Bila L cakap, 'Allah sayang sangat kan kat ktorang???' I dah menanges menjejes-jejes dekat ofis. Ya Allah, positifnya dorang. Ya Allah. Ya Allah.

L told me, A susah nak makan. A makan cerelac je sekarang. Tapi L sempat buat lawak cakap Maryam pun tak makan cerelac lagik kan? :(

A dah susah nak bernafas. He depends on morphine and oxygen. Day by day, morphine and oxygen makin increased. Until the doctor said last tuesday, they cant do much. The cancer cell is getting aggressive. And doctor said, he can last for few days, up to few weeks. Just pray. Hancur hati dengar doctor cakap macam tu. Jahatnya cancer ne Ya Allah. A dah makin susah nak bercakap, sampai dorang becakap buat sign language. 

Friday morning, I texted L asking about A's condition. A was getting worst. 

Until I received the new that A passed away. Ya Allah. I cant be there for L to go through this. I terus call another friend yang rapat dengan L, call berkali-kali sampai I have to call her husband. I nak kawan I teman L. Ya Allah. 

Jenazah di uruskan di Subang dan dibawa balik ke JB untuk dikebumikan. The other friend, teman L sampai ke JB. Thanks darling. 

L told the last night tu, A pandang je dia. Tapi tak cakap ape-ape. Dia buat ape pun, A pandang je dia. L tanya A, 'sayang nak ape-ape ke?'. A diam aje. That night was the first time L rasa redha to let him go. L tak sanggup tengok A sakit. Sakit sangat sampai A menanges cakap sakit. And usually L cant sleep at night tapi malam tu L boleh pulak tertido.

L terkilan. L cakap Allah kejutkan dia masa A dah takde je. Dia terjaga at 4am tengok L dah tak bergerak. Mudahnya A pergi, dalam bulan ramadhan yang mulia lagik. So I guess Allah taknak L tengok saat-saat A pergi. 

I dont know how Im going to face this if I am at her shoes. She has nobody. She only has her husband. She rely so much on her husband. Bila dikenangkan nak balik rumah balik dan she's all alone. Menanges I. She said to me this morning, Allah have plan something better for me. Ya Allah, kuatnya dia. 

Selama ne, bila diuji macam-macam (miscarriage 3times), she still has her husband to turn to. Now, she has nobody. Even we kept telling her, she still have us, I know it will never be the same. 

Dengan nak raya nye ne, macam mana lah agaknya. L will be coming to work after Raya, dia nak belajar amek lesen kete semua dan nak setelkan semua benda dulu. I kalau boleh nak dia datang ofis, so dia tak sorang-sorang time macam ne. Tapi since dia cakap nak balik rumah kakak ipar dia, so lega sikit hati I. Bila ditanya raya mana? Dia cakap dekat JB. Raya je dengan everyone yang left with her. :(

I tengok status FB L, dia tulis, 'untuk sayangku, kita berjumpa di Jannah nanti'. Ya Allah. Sebak. Sedih. I dont know what to say to her. Seriously, I lost words. 

A, semoga tenang di sana. Tunggu L di Jannah ye. 

Al-fatihah.