Path.

Salam ;)

I am on study leave right now. Tomorrow is going to be my last paper for this semester. I hope that I can score A in both papers. Pray hard that my brain can functioning well tomorrow. Haha.

I had a long leave since last Monday. Great to be off from work for a while. But I still send my baby girl to parents-in-law's place for 3-4hours, or else I don't have time to study. 

I don't know, these few days made me thinking. Like, what do i want to do in life actually?

Where actually I'm heading to? Aku ni nak apa sebenarnya? Hmmmm.

Entahlah. Apa aku rambling sekarang pun taktau. But these are the things that keep running in my mind.

Conflict. At the moment, I cannot see myself being a housewife. To be a good mom, I cannot be SAHM. I know myself, I know my limit. Please don't take me wrongly, I love my baby girl so much. But, I know myself better. 

I always picture myself having a business and my time is flexible enough to attend my baby girl anytime I want to. You know things like going to work a little bit late, at least when the traffic is getting back to normal. Having lunch with my husband at the restaurant nearby my hubs office, buying groceries on weekdays noon while everyone still in the office. Things like that.

When my hubs and I are at KL during weekends, we always spend some time passing by the U-Thant road. Then, start berangan. Haha. The townhouse is big enough and I love the environment. I always wanted to have a house there. Usually hubs akan layan je angan-angan I ni and ejek-ejek I ni nak berjiran dengan expatriate aje. Haha. Last week, the first time ever he said he wanted to live there too. The only thing is, dengan makan gaji gini, mana la mampu. Memang sangat tak mungkin. 

I have one business proposal in my mind and I never told anyone about it. Perhaps it's too ambitious so I thought I don't have to share it with anyone. Setakat angan-angan gitu. I don't know, when hubs said he wanted a house in U-thant too, I terus cakap I have one business proposal in mind, later at night I will present to him. He said okay, and asked why him? For obvious reason, he's the only person I trust whole-heartedly. We never discuss something that serious before this, but everything went well. He likes my idea. Alhamdulillah. We are working towards it now. InshaALLAH. I don't know whether this is going to be big or not. But, it is worth trying. 

Apparently, it is not a house in U-thant that we both really want. We both want a financially stable life, stress-free life, flexible working hours and doing things that we love to do. We both have a very dear example, my parents runs a small business. It is just a small business, but they can afford to raise my brother and I. Stress free. They don't have any loan. They don't have to serve interest. Kalau meniaga sehari untung bersih RM50 sehari pun cukup kalau setakat nak makan mewah untuk dorang. Bahagia hidup. Mak I boleh beli barang kemas selalu, mak I tak payah risau pasal nak bayar Bank bila hujung bulan. 

So do with my parents-in-law. They have a business, but in bigger scale. Money is not an issue for them. Can afford to have few cars and don't have to worry when the car insurance is due. During the weekend, kalau anak-anak cakap nak pergi KLCC then pergi je. Takyah nak berkira kalau sorang anak nak kasut. Sorang anak lagi nak baju, nak toys, tak payah nak tunggu next gaji. 

Bukanlah we both nak hidup mewah. Boleh beli itu ini. What I'm trying to say is we both nak hidup yang takde la bulan-bulan fikir nak bayar bil itu ini, then nak beli barang lain kena tunggu gaji bulan depan. Kadang-kadang gaji bulan depan pun tak boleh nak beli lagi sebab teringat baju anak dah lama tak berganti. 

Hah, bercampur aduk punya cerita. I believed, most people has found their path. Nak buat ape in life whatsoever. Tapi bagi I yang mash tercari ni, memang conflict. With the current job yang memang still kena teruskan. Takkan nak drop everything macam tuh aje. 

I have a friend, she start a pretzel business in small scale last year. And now her business is getting bigger, she resigned from her current work and focus on her new business. And she now can finally say that she has found what she wanted to do in life at the age of 40. For some people, mudah je nampak hidup dorang. Umur 25 business dah stable and hidup selesa. But for some people, it may take years to realise it. I hope we are not to late for it.

Bukan senang

Salam :)

Happy 2014!!

Dah dekat 2 minggu masuk tahun baru, baru nak wish kan? Haha

Kalau berazam semuanya mesti berkait dengan hijrah. Menjadi yang lebih baik. I nak share one thing, but I am afraid people will take it mistakenly. 

How should I start????

I selalu berazam nak tutup aurat dengan sempurna. Betul-betul tutup aurat. Bukan setakat tutup kepala je. I start dengan labuhkan tudung lepas kawen. Hubs I background budak tahfiz. So, bila kekadang reunion atau lepak makan dengan kawan-kawan dia, I perasan I sorang je kot yang pakai tudung tak selabuh isteri kawan-kawan hubs. Majoriti isteri kawan hubs adalah dari background yang sama jugak. Dorang takde judge I or whatsoever. Even hubs didn't say anything. I sendiri yang segan. I tak nak malukan hubs.  And from time to time, I try labuhkan tudung. Sikit-sikit. Ambil masa nak sampai ke tahap kiri kanan depan tak nampak figure asset wanita tu. 

Bila bab labuh alhamdulillah inshaallah dah okay, kena jaga bab jarang tak jarang tudung tu jugak. Susah. Pada awal nya  sangat susah.

Apa yang I boleh cakap, bila tudung inshaallah dah okay, secara automatik kita rasa nak cuba jaga yang lain. 

Bagi I yang paling susah adalah nak tutup kaki berstokin. Handsocks inshaallah boleh dilaksana untuk baju-baju yang lengan tak cukup panjang. 

Since awal 2013, I was thinking to wear socks but I dont have the urge. Asyik bertangguh. Even selalu terlintas, tapi selalu buat endah tak endah. Somewhere mid october, rasa tu makin kuat. Di saat kehidupan menyesak dengan ujian, masa tu dah terasa, I need to change. 

The thing I am scared of is determination. Risau kalau hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Then, I texted a good friend of mine. Stated may nawaitu and I told her I need something to push me, which later she send me these messages: 

Seriously, when I read this I straight away order the socks online. (Btw, you can find it at ig @themahabbah & @staymodesty. Find the Sooka one, tak tebal sangat dan tak jarang dan berjejari). Masa order ni tiba-tiba rasa berkira nak spend 5socks at RM50 including postage. And then I delayed making payment. Almost 2weeks I delayed. Bergelak berdekah lah syaitan tengok seorang lagi hamba Allah bertangguh-tangguh. Tapi Allah sayang sangat dekat hamba yang seorang ni, Allah turunkan ujian. Tiba2 dari lutut ke pergelangan kaki jadi kering gila dan gatal-gatal. Gatal Ya Rabbi. Dok menggaru sampai naik bintik-bintik merah. What I did was, spend RM50 for Cetaphil face & body wash and RM75 for Kiehl's body lotion. What I am trying to say is, spend RM50 for socks was hard enough. But RM125 for body wash & lotion was like nothing. Susah sungguh bagi I untuk berubah. 

The skin from time to time is getting better. I forgot about the socks at all. I don't know, when I wake up one morning  after my prayer, all I want was making the socks payment. The first thing I did when I received the socks (at the office) was texting my hubs and told him that I want to wear socks. He only replied, 'Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah. I love you'. But I know, it's something meaningful for him. I started with wearing the socks during working hours. Masa tu rasa macam dah biggest achievement sangat. Haha. 

Tapi nak pakai pergi kedai runcit dekat rumah, pergi keluar makan kejap tu rasa malas nak pakai socks. Lecehnya lahai. Tapi hubs cakap, takpe pakai pergi ofis ja dulu. Biasakan. After some time, rasa dah biasa rasa pelik pulak tak pakai kalau keluar rumah. I am still struggling. InshaAllah moga-moga istiqamah. 

The challenges of course ada. First, mula-mula tu stock socks ada berapa helai ja, kena rajin basuh. Kadang-kadang socks semua tak basuh lagi, I gasak je keluar pakai kasut bertutup. Second, orang pandang pelik. Orang macam 'eh betul ke dia ni?'. Thirdly, kena hadap soalan-soalan macam 'mimpi apa semalam?', 'pergi ceramah mana ni?'. I told myself, nak buat benda baik memang kena sabar. Dugaan semua tu. 

I bermula dengan pakai dekat ofis. Senang sikit sebab kat ofis I super sejuk, so colleagues macam ingat I pakai socks sebab sejuk. Bila keluar lunch yang panas tu, rasa pelik sendiri sebab dok rasa awkward bajet orang usha aku lah kan? Hahaha. My advice, kalau first time nak berhijrah pakai socks, dont start with black socks. Rasa macam janggal dan sangat obvious. Start dengan skin color socks would be better. 

The good things yang I rasa lepas ber'socks' adalah I rasa kaki bersih, lembut ja. Kuku pun cantik. Patut lah Allah suruh tutup kaki kan? Indahnya janji Alllah. Satu lagi, bila betul-betul bertutup ni, I rasa selamat. At times memang I akan keluar sorang without hubs and Maryam (study week), I rasa selamat dari pandangan-pandangan lelaki ni. Bukan lah I nak cakap I hot ke apa, ni pasal pandangan yang lelaki sasarkan kita ni macam object. You know what I mean. Macam ada je benda yang dorang boleh bagi remarks. Tapi now dorang pun dah tak hingin pandang. Rasa macam hoi tak menarik nak tengok dah. Gitu la. Macam mana eh nak explain bagi tak salah faham??? I hope you get what I am trying to say. 

And paling obvious, bila dah berubah ni sikit, I rasa macam kalau I solat lambat ke ape macam takde makna. I bermonolog macam buat ape pakai socks kalau solat pun lambat. Buat ape pakai socks kalau baju pun tak cukup labuh. Gitu la. So, I will try my best to perform better each day. All the struggles within myself. 

Mak I sangat vocal. Kalau dia suruh solat and I was like give me 5 minutes. Mak will say, 'harapnya tak mati pada minit ke 3 la'. Sound harsh but truth hurts big time. Macam nak balik ofis petang-petang, I tunggu hubs lama sikit sebab dia nak Asar dulu, I selalu cakap solat kat rumah la. Hubs akan cakap kalau accident mati tengah jalan tak sempat Asar macam mana? Yep, I tak suka dorang sebut pasal mati ni, tapi sape lagi nak remind I pasal mati itu pasti? 

What I am trying to share here is, take small steps at a time. Don't rush. Yang penting tu istiqamah. Ikhlas. Salah satu cara nak istiqamah adalah dengan bagitau close people around us. Supaya dorang ada nak ingatkan kita bila terlupa, supaya rasa segan kalau tak buat. Macam I, I told hubs and close friends. So, kalau tiba-tiba rasa malas separuh jalan tu I jadi malu. Eh, bukan ke dia kata nak start pakai socks tapi kenapa tak buat lagik? Macam tulah. 

Nak buat ape-ape mesti datang dari hati jadi tak terasa macam dipaksa-paksa dan rasa perubahan tu sangat menyeksakan. Allah akan tolong kita. Yang penting, kena cari the push factor. Macam I, I taknak anak I membesar dengan menjadikan orang lain sebagai role model dia. It should be me. It should be us as her parents. Role model paling dekat. Paling ideal. I bukan nak bermegah riak bila cerita ni, tapi I nak share dengan orang-orang yang macam I. Yang nak berubah tapi teragak-agak. 

Pakai socks ni adalah benda paling payah I nak buat, sebab tu ape-ape pun I akan relate dengan pakai socks ni. Bukanlah bermaksud bila dah pakai socks ni macam benchmark dah jadi muslimah sejati. Bukan macam tu tau. Setiap orang ada struggle masing-masing. Dont get me wrong. 

And I am now working on taking care of my heart. Menjaga hati. Husnuzon. Bersangka baik. Gossips, mengumpat semua tu masih lagi ada dalam diri. I am working on it and I am far away from being truly Muslimah. Yep, I must say, who knows those pretty ladies yang tak bersocks, bertudung semua, hati dorang lebih baik dari I ni. So, don't judge. I tak suka bila dengar remarks dari orang yang bertutup litup ni macam, 'cuba tengok perempuan tu, kain tu tak boleh ketat lagi ke?'. Excuse me, kita taktau hati dia macam mana, iman dia tinggi mana? Entah-entah hati dia beribu kali ganda bersih nya. Solat nya cukup awal waktu, kebajikan orang tua dia terpelihara. Dijaganya ibu bapa dia sepenuh hati. Jadi, darjat siapa lebih tinggi di hadapan Allah? Kita taktau apa nilai kita di hadapan  Allah, jadi stop saying bad things about others, why not praying for others. Supaya sama darjat kita semua di depan Allah. Inshaallah. 

Sorry this is a lengthy post, but I do hope people not mistakenly perceived my writings and hopefully all of us are better than yesterday. Aminn :)

Nikmat

Salam :)

It's been a while. Lama diam. Sebab tak cukup masa, sebab rasa takde benda faedah nak bercakap selain mengeluh. 

October and November adalah bulan menduga segala benda. Diuji oleh Allah dari setiap sudut. Mula-mula rasa macam Ya Allah, sesaknya duit. Ya Allah, ape lagi ni? Astaghfirullahala'zim. Lama-lama muhasabah, kenapa lepas satu, satu ni Allah duga. Mula-mula bumbung extension dekat laundry area bocor, sekarang kan musim hujan. Banjir dapur setiap kali hujan. Hubs lah yang gigih cedok buang air. Sejam hujan lebat, sejamlah hubs dok mencedok. 

Kemudian, masa tengah sedap vacuum rumah tertarik curtain sliding door kuat, habis jatuh rail segala. Habuk berdebu satu rumah, nasib baik tak kena Maryam. 

Lampu master bedroom tiba-tiba rosak. Budget sangat tight bulan October, jadi beharap lampu toilet je nak menerangi bilik sementara tunggu gaji November nak replace mentol. Budget sangat tight sampai nak beli mentol RM18 pun berkira. 

Dituruti laptop zaman belajar dulu-dulu tetiba rosak. Hanged. Takleh nak gerak cursor langsung. Tak boleh buat apa. Padahal hubs dengan I nak kena kejar dateline submit assignment. This is my first assignment after Degree time, so sangat lemau nak start. We have to use sister-in-law's laptop for a while. Paham-paham ajelah, laptop sekarang canggih, nak biasakan dengan laptop pun hegeh-hegeh. Dah dapat laptop pinjam, tetiba Unifi tak dapat guna, so tak ber-internet lah selama 2,3 hari. Nak buat assignment, nak research macam mana? Solution was staying at Parent-in-law's place sampai lewat malam baru balik rumah. Penat tak payah cakap. Panggil technician, rupanya modem rosak. Terbaik, cukup time habis warranty, dan-dan terus rosak. There it goes, our RM120 to replace with the new modem. 

Then, washing machine problem, takleh detect air. Air tak keluar, so kena operate mashine manually. Setiap kali nak wash and rinse kena lah tunggu sampai air penuh. Nak hantar dobi, duit tengah kering. Gigih la laki bini dok tunggu kat washing machine setiap kali nak basuh. 

Life sangat miserable time tu. Masing-masing tak terluah. Kadang-kadang nampak hubs termenung, dah dapat agak apa yang dia fikir. Serabut fikir banyaknya duit nak pakai. 

Sungguh. Dah lama tak rasa susah macam tuh. Masa tu baru terfikir, kat mana salah aku? Kat mana salah kami suami isteri? 

Secara tak sengaja I terjumpa apps Podcasts dan dalam tu banyak lectures Mufti Menk. 

Mula-mula dengar lectures Productive Muslim, bila sampai part 'Allah has granted you so many things in life, what's your excuse for delaying his call?' . I termalu sendiri. Sebab I jenis yang kalau kat ofis buat pakej solat zuhur dengan asar. Maksudnya, solat zuhur hujung waktu, solat asar awal waktu. Sempat baring seminit dua kat surau sementara waktu. I teringat dulu-dulu masa berdoa siang malam nak conceived, pastu asked around what are the tips, what specific du'a should I pray? Then, someone said harshly, 'solat pun delay, lambat-lambat kan solat macam benda lain tu lagi penting then tak malu doa kat Allah nak cepat pregnant?'. I was shocked but like the wise man said truth hurts. Big time. 

Jadi, nikmat mana lagi yang kau mahu dustakan? 

Reflect. Banyak yang kurang. Bak kata Mufti Menk, jaga solat. InshaAllah, everything will come into pieces. Solat tu kan tiang agama. Jaga solat bukan make sure cukup 5 waktu, tapi cukup awal untuk ready before masuk waktu. Productive Muslim ready 5minutes earlier sebelum solat. A good leader is someone who never delay his prayers. 

Download this apps, IMAN. It's very helpful. So kita tau bila waktu solat, doa-doa, siap ada zikir counter lagik. 

InshaAllah moga kita sama-sama usaha untuk jadi lebih baik. Lesson learnt, in a hard way though. InshaAllah, harapnya penyakit hati, dalam an dan peribadi pun turut sama berubah menjadi lebih baik.

Berdoa supaya hati ini isthiqamah, supaya dipermudahkan segalanya. InshaAllah. Aminn. 

Tell me how...

Salam

24hours a day doesnt seems enough for me. 

I shorten my night sleep. I stop taking day nap. 

And yet I still find it hard to manage the time. 

During the weekends, I cannot finish the house chores. Day time, I entertained my baby. She started to climb almost everything. So, she needs my full attention. Basically, I did the house chores at night. 

How should I utilise my time? 

Care to share how you girls managed your time at home?

Thank you.

Hiatus

Salam :)

Lamanya tak update blog. Lots to share, it just that I have crush on Instagram right now. Haha. Tulis blog macam komitmen, bila start je terus merepek panjang berjela. Tapi nak start tu rasa cam alahai lemah je. Haha. After all, blog memang tempat nak go down to memory lane, tempat nak buat kenangan dan tempat nak share good things with people.

How's my life has been so far?
GREAT. siap capslock lagik. yeah, ada drama sana sini, but I wouldn't ask for more. Counting HIS blessing, and I am one lucky girl. Alhamdulillah.

#1 Maryam Nur Zahra'
She is such an adorable little girl. Growing up so fast. She is one of the best thing that happened in my life. Even until now, it's so surreal. Now dah mengengsot sana sini. I was mistaken cakap kat orang yang Maryam dah merangkak. Padahal mengengsot hoii. Merangkak bila begerak angkat bontot.

She start on solid food on the day she turn 6-months. Yeah, I am that skema. I am that type of mother who follows what the book say. Alhamdulillah, she loves to eat almost everything that introduced to her. She ate a lot. I am a happy Ummi. Seronok hoii tengok anak makan. I masih larat dan rajin prepared puree for her. Harapnya kekal rajin sampai ke sudah lah. 


#2 Holiday
We've been planning for a holiday. To a place that can relax our mind. Not a busy hustle bustle place. Not a shopping centre attraction. An island specifically, even I cannot snorkelling much with Maryam around. Problem now is hard to find a week that both of us are free. For me, Cameron Highland pun will do, cuma nak jugak pergi pulau kan? This year, I tak pergi bercuti ke mana pun. Pergi Langkawi je, tu pun more to shopping instead of betul-betul bercuti rehat minda. 


#3 Study
Alhamdulillah, I finally cekal hati nak continue study. Part time basis, more to online instead of classes. Sebab sayang masa weekend nak tinggal Maryam. So I guess online was a better choice until I find it hard to squeeze some time in a day, to look at the slides. Not digesting yet what the course is all about. I am not that ambitious macam certain student yang amek 4 subjects this sem. I only took 2 subjects. Tu pun rasa tak terbawak. The final exam would be around December. Cuak. Pray that I have the courage to strive for what I dream of. Yep, nak belajar dan belajar selagi hayat di kandung badan. 

If you asked me now, I have few list to fulfill:
(a) Enrol in swimming class
(b) Learn how to bake
(c) Master the Arabic language
(d) Learn how to sew
(e) Start a small business

My problem is, finding the time. I know, I didn't fully utilise my time. Still boleh curi sana sini. But for now, I think my baby needs me more. Macam ada forum agama after friday work, I choose to go back home playing with my baby girl. Even if I attend the forum agama, my baby pun dapat pahala for it. I just dont think so. I don't know on the agama perspective much (shame on me), but I rather go back home seeing my baby. Yesterday, I attended an hour ceramah from Ustaz Haslin or Ustaz bollywood people called him, during lunch time. Then, I realized yang I need that for my inner strength, for my spiritual. Dah lama I tak attend majlis ilmu, so rasa diri far away from Dear Lord. I just feel something missing. That one pieces yang missing tulah, yang bagi impact besar for myself. Muhasabah.


#Friends
Thanks Allah for sending me great friends. The old friends and the new friends. Bila berkawen ada anak, I found myself jarang take the effort nak keep in touch with friends. Makin zaman lagi canggih senang nak connect, makin I malas nak utilised all those technology. But sometimes, when they took the effort to say hi, or even gossips, I am touched. I kinda missed those moments we used to spend time together. Again, my lame excuse is, it is hard to find time. Kalau berwhatsapp pn, I susah nak commit. Susah nak reply time-time tu jugak.

I am glad I met those beautiful ladies. You know who you are. Start with comments kat blog dorang. Tukar fon number, create whatsapp group and start meeting each other. Hari raya is a great time. Bulan August boleh cakap jumpa every week. Haha. Penuh event, cuma I je tak sempat nak host event panggil dorang datang rumah. Nanti-nantilah weh. Tak ready lagik nak jadi host. Haha. And yes, bila dah close ne and Hazz is leaving us, memang terasa sedihnya. Hope our friendship will last forever, harap nya nanti-nanti takde gado-gado. Tak badmouth each other. Kawan atas dasar berkongsi dan nak tengok semua orang bahagia, Inshaallah hubungan kita semua dalam peliharaan Allah. Amin



I guess that is all for now. Tiba-tiba hilang momentum nak becerita. Haha. 
Take care you ols. Till then. Tata.

Kiehl's : Deodorant Cream

Salam :)

I just have to share this. 

This is my first product from Kiehl's. And I must say it is the best deodorant ever. 

I jenis yang kuat bepeluh kat ketiak, tapak tangan dan tapak kaki. So, dah try most of the dedorant in the market. Dari stick, roll-on, spray semua macam tak selesa. Spray la bole tahan sikit. Tapi bila berpeluh (even dalam aircond), I tak comfortable. Few times pergi toilet cek takut berbau. Pernah sampai terfikir nak pakai pad yang letak bawah ketiak tu, tapi sesungguhnya mesti sangat tak selesa.

Lots of people been raving about this deodorant. But I don't have the urge to try, because I never tried anything from Kiehl's range. None of my friend either. Secondly, it is cream based. Logically, cream and sweat?? I think the cream based will make it worst. Thirdly, of course the price. RM45 for deodorant?? You must be kidding me. 

It happened unexpectedly while waiting for husband at KLCC. I bought over by the sales person's explanation and decided to give it a try.

Surprisingly, this deodorant absorbent is very high. No sticky deodorant left. After a minute, it will dry. Plus point, it is odor-less. Not like Rexona that have flora/ refreshing odor. Even it is expensive for small tube, but it worthy. I just have to use it a little only, like a very small dot on my finger. I've been using it for 3-months now and there's still more. The Rexona spray can only last 3-months. I must say, it is a good bargain.

The negative side: I was expecting no more sweat underarm but too bad. The sweat still there, but not like the old days. I don't have to worry and to check in the toilet like every half an hour now. I am fully satisfied with this deodorant. 

Even though I always get things like, '45 bucks for deodorant?? Bullshitt?', but I just don't care. Happy me!!! Hahaha.

 

 

The Other Half

Salam :)

Ingat tak lagi I cite pasal bestfriend I yang husband dia kena cancer stage 4???

Too bad, her husband already left her on Saturday morning at 4am. :(

I taktau macam mana nak start cerita. I cant hold my tears. :( Masa bangun sahur pagi Sabtu tu, I tengok ada missed call from my friend at 4.26am. I dapat rasa benda tak best. I bekira-kira banyak kali before returned her call. Bila I rasa I kuat sikit, then I call dan dengar dia menangis slow. Dia just cakap, 'A dah takde'. I sampai menggeletar. I hanya mampu cakap, 'sabar.be strong.Allah loves him.'

Ya Allah, I bukan siapa-siapa dengan A. I anggap dia abang I, sebab I bestfriend dengan wife dia. Tapi kesan dari berita kematian dia, buat I tak mampu nak tanggung. Apatah lagik kawan I, L. She lost the other half of him. 

The last time I visited A was last 2weeks. Ralat. I ingat nak pergi weekend tu sebab nak belikan tilam lipat untuk L. Niat dihati nak masak bawak makanan kat L jugak. Bayangkan sebulan dia dok hospital tak balik, baju pun anta dobi ja cuci. Tido atas kerusi sandar ja. Tapi bila I tau kawan I yang laen tolong belikan tilam untuk dia dah, I cakap next time la I pergi. :(

L updated me about A everyday. Her husband start sakit teruk since last 2-months. L pun dah lama amek unpaid leave. Before jerebu start kat KL ne, A dah start susah bernafas. Masa tu L mintak tolong ktorang cari oxygen tank, tapi mahal. And ada one day tu A sesak nafas, terus bawak pergi hospital. Since then A masuk hospital. Mula-mula dekat ICU. Sedih tengok A. Tak larat pun nak bukak mata. Bila dia batuk lagik la, ditahan-tahannya sebab setiap kali batuk sakit sangat. I kalau pergi visit tak lama sangat, sebab tak sanggup tengok. 

Bila dah buat blood transfusion, he's getting better. So dipindahkan masuk ward biasa. Lega. Tapi lama-lama makin teruk. Susah nak bernafas, susah nak telan makanan. They decided buat radiotherapy bila A dah takleh gerak kaki dan tangan. The cancer cell dah block blood vein kat kaki dan tangan. L is one strong wife. Dia setiap 5minit akan ubah kedudukan kaki dan tangan husband dia. Sebab A lenguh tapi A nak cakap pun susah. L jaga A sakit tu lama, almost a year, tapi sekali pun tak merungut dan jarang nanges dan sedih depan A. Kalau ktorang pergi visit, L akan buat lawak gila-gila dan ktorang akan layan je, sebab nak bagi dia hilang stress. L susah tido malam, sebab dia takut kalau A nak ape-ape dia tertido. 

Pernah L cite, masa A kat rumah, dia pakaikan A pampers sebab kalau nak buang air besar susah nak gerak. L tak larat nak pimpin A ke toilet. Sekali tu A bangun, tiba-tiba pampers terjatuh, both of them memang gelak gila-gila. Lepas habes gelak tu, dua-dua menanges. Ya Allah, nasib baek masa dia cite tu on the phone. I ne dah mengalir air mata tak henti. 

Masa A buat radiotherapy, L akan menanges semahunya. Sebab time tu aje la dia dapat menanges puas-puas. Depan A, L takkan menanges. 

Last 3weeks,  bila L panggil ustaz-ustaz datang berubat A, semua ustaz tu cakap dah terlambat. Berdoa dan redha aje lah. L told me, she asked why people gave up so easily on A's condition? Hancur hati dia bila orang cakap macam tu. All i can said, 'all people in the world can give up easily on A, but not you and A. If L give up, A give up memang dah takde harapan.' Seriously, i lost words. 

A week after ustaz-ustaz tu cakap macam tu, L called me and cried her heart out. I biar dia menanges dalam 20minutes, then dia cakap doctor baru bitau dia, the cancer cell has spread all over A's body. Dah sampai brain pun. Doctor predicted A boleh bertahan few more weeks aje. I nanges sama-sama dengan dia. I hanya mampu cakap, 'doctor bukan tuhan.doctor just cakap based on the medical report. Miracle can happenned.' I ulang ayat tu je kat dia. 

Bila L cakap, 'Allah sayang sangat kan kat ktorang???' I dah menanges menjejes-jejes dekat ofis. Ya Allah, positifnya dorang. Ya Allah. Ya Allah.

L told me, A susah nak makan. A makan cerelac je sekarang. Tapi L sempat buat lawak cakap Maryam pun tak makan cerelac lagik kan? :(

A dah susah nak bernafas. He depends on morphine and oxygen. Day by day, morphine and oxygen makin increased. Until the doctor said last tuesday, they cant do much. The cancer cell is getting aggressive. And doctor said, he can last for few days, up to few weeks. Just pray. Hancur hati dengar doctor cakap macam tu. Jahatnya cancer ne Ya Allah. A dah makin susah nak bercakap, sampai dorang becakap buat sign language. 

Friday morning, I texted L asking about A's condition. A was getting worst. 

Until I received the new that A passed away. Ya Allah. I cant be there for L to go through this. I terus call another friend yang rapat dengan L, call berkali-kali sampai I have to call her husband. I nak kawan I teman L. Ya Allah. 

Jenazah di uruskan di Subang dan dibawa balik ke JB untuk dikebumikan. The other friend, teman L sampai ke JB. Thanks darling. 

L told the last night tu, A pandang je dia. Tapi tak cakap ape-ape. Dia buat ape pun, A pandang je dia. L tanya A, 'sayang nak ape-ape ke?'. A diam aje. That night was the first time L rasa redha to let him go. L tak sanggup tengok A sakit. Sakit sangat sampai A menanges cakap sakit. And usually L cant sleep at night tapi malam tu L boleh pulak tertido.

L terkilan. L cakap Allah kejutkan dia masa A dah takde je. Dia terjaga at 4am tengok L dah tak bergerak. Mudahnya A pergi, dalam bulan ramadhan yang mulia lagik. So I guess Allah taknak L tengok saat-saat A pergi. 

I dont know how Im going to face this if I am at her shoes. She has nobody. She only has her husband. She rely so much on her husband. Bila dikenangkan nak balik rumah balik dan she's all alone. Menanges I. She said to me this morning, Allah have plan something better for me. Ya Allah, kuatnya dia. 

Selama ne, bila diuji macam-macam (miscarriage 3times), she still has her husband to turn to. Now, she has nobody. Even we kept telling her, she still have us, I know it will never be the same. 

Dengan nak raya nye ne, macam mana lah agaknya. L will be coming to work after Raya, dia nak belajar amek lesen kete semua dan nak setelkan semua benda dulu. I kalau boleh nak dia datang ofis, so dia tak sorang-sorang time macam ne. Tapi since dia cakap nak balik rumah kakak ipar dia, so lega sikit hati I. Bila ditanya raya mana? Dia cakap dekat JB. Raya je dengan everyone yang left with her. :(

I tengok status FB L, dia tulis, 'untuk sayangku, kita berjumpa di Jannah nanti'. Ya Allah. Sebak. Sedih. I dont know what to say to her. Seriously, I lost words. 

A, semoga tenang di sana. Tunggu L di Jannah ye. 

Al-fatihah. 

Dapur Berasap : Rendang Ayam

Salam :)

Selamat berpuasa u olsss.

Rabu I cuti, sempat la I buat Rendang Ayam. Tapi memang mencabar sikit this time, Maryam clingy gila sekarang ne. Sekejap je tinggal tak nampak muka, mula la menanges. 

So, what I do is berbabywearing while cooking. Kalau tak, memang takkan siap masak. Cuma bila I dah start menumis bagai, I letak dia kat bawah kejap. Mak I pesan biar dia nanges kat bawah dari menanges terpercik minyak. 

Resipi I simple ja. Cuma rendang ne kena biar lama baru kick. Gittew. I memang lepas dah masuk semua, bukak api slow aje tinggal gi mandikan Maryam dan sempat lah basuh periuk belanga bagai. 

BAHAN-BAHAN

(1) cili kering - 15biji (ikot pedas masing-masing la, direbus & dibuang biji)

(2) onion - 1biji

(3) garlic - 2biji

(4) serai - 4batang

(5) halia - sebesar ibujari

(6) lengkuas - sebesar ibu jari

(7) jintan manis - 1/2 sudu kecik

(8) santan - RM2

(9) kerisik - 3-4sudu besar

(10) kulit kayu manis - 1

(11) ayam - 1/2 ekor (i rebus buang lemak dulu)

*blend bahan (1) - (7)

CARA-CARA

1) Tumis bahan blend tadi

2) Masukkan kerisik, santan, kulit kayu manis & ayam

3) Kacau supaya santan tak berketul

4) Biarkan api slow sampai rendang kering. From time to time, kena kacau gak rendang tu.

5) Siap

Yang I buat ne telebih minyak, lepas amek gambar baru ingat nak buang minyak. Haha. Rupa memang tak semenggah la, tapi separuh ekor tu boleh  habes makan time berbuka dan sahur. I tak gemar sangat ayam ne, so hubs la yang makan banyak. Memang favourite dia pun. 

Hari ne dah taktau nak masak apa oiii?? Heee

Birthday

Salam :)

Alkisahnya, birthday hubs adalah pada 13 jun yang lalu. Dah masuk July baru nak update kan? Hoho

I ne jenis tak pandai nak celebrate plan bagai ne. I tak pandai suprise kan orang, sebab I pun tak suka suprise-suprise gini. Senang cite, I planned nak keluar KL, pergi weekend getaway ke mana-mana. Tapi entah mengapa la semua tempat full. Dari Cameron, PD dan Cherating. 

So I was thinking why not check in mana-mana hotel kat KL ne ja. Double Tree was my first choice. Tapi last minute booking, harga pun melonjak. Gila kau semalam 700++. Baek I beli handbag kalau dah mahal giteww. A friend of mine suggested Marriot Putrajaya, tu pun bilik full. I memang tak paham kenapa semua orang nak bercuti weekend tu??? Last-last I decided, to have lunch buffet aje kat hotel. 

Dan memang ada hikmah I tak jadi weekend getaway sebab my parents datang KL. 

I gave options for hubs to decide to dine in either at Mandarin Oriental, ShangRi La or Double Tree. Ne based on my survey and friend's suggestion. Hubs chose Double Tree just because among those three, Double Tree paling murah. 

I amek halfday semata-mata nak spend time dengan hubs. Hubs tak cuti pun, sebab dia boleh lunch lama-lama.

Birthday Boy

Starter

Dessert

Middle East Cuisine

Tomyam & Sup

Local Cuisine

<3

<3 <3

The food are nyummy. Kena selera tekak I la. Cuma lauk pauk tak banyak sangat. Tapi boleh la kan? Dessert pun biasa-biasa aja. Nothing extravagant sangat pun. As long as birthday boy kenyang and happy pun dah cukup. Hubs I ne memang jenis tak cerewet bab makan, apa-apa pun telan je. Try je. Tak pernah la dengar dia cakap tak sedap or tak makan. I ne jenis cerewet ya rabbi. Banyak benda I tak makan, pastu mulut pun kalau dah try something tak best akan keluar tak sedap la. Haha. Everytime tu la hubs akan cakap, kalau pergi Mekah nanti (InshaAllah, moga murah rezeki nak sampai sana) mulut tu jangan cakap macam-macam. When my hubs went to perform Umrah last time, ada one guy same group dengan dia masa first makan kat Mekah mulut dia cakap tak sedap, sampai ke sudah sepanjang kat sana semua benda dia makan rasa tak sedap. Hubs selalu ulang cite tu kalau mulut I laju je cakap tak sedap. Haha. I try la nak kawal mulut ne, tapi muka kadang-kadang tak dapat menipu. Okay okay, I am far away to be a better person. Kena cuba jugak. Hee

Btw, hadiah takde. Sebab he cant decided what he want. Haha. Dia nak Oakley Holbrook sebenarnya, tapi I tak mampu hokayh. Nanti I tolong topup aje la. Gagagaga. Men's stuff is soo expensive. Hubs punya taste kadang-kadang I tak mampu nak capai. Gittew. 

Happy Birthday dearest husband. Maryam tuh kira hadiah for this birthday lah ye. Last year, masa birthday hubs I baru tau I pregnant, tu pun kira hadiah birthday. Aci tak??  Hahaha

May you have so many reasons to be happy, especially when Maryam and I are around right?? Haaa :) 

Jerebu

Salam :)

Ya Allah. Jerebu sudah datang KL. Masa jerebu masih sikit-sikit last week pun I dah start sakit tekak dan Maryam batuk-batuk time tido, sekarang lagiklah. I bukak tingkap sikit aje. Risau hoii bangun pagi kat luar berasap. Bila kuar sidai kain, boleh bau macam terbakar. I taktau IPU reading kat KL hari ne berapa, tapi I dan hubs dah sakit tekak tahap kena selalu minum air je ne. 

I've been browsing on the precaution action. Dah ada anak, bukan boleh amek remeh-temeh lagik. 

(1) Pakai mask. Ada certain grade mask yang khas untuk jerebu. N95, memang khas untuk halang partikel-partikel halus masuk ke hidung dan mulut dan menghalang bad air sampai ke paru-paru. Jangan tutup dengan kain sebab kain akan absorb lagi bad air tu, so takde effect pun.

(2) Setiap kali dari luar nak masuk rumah, make sure basuh tangan dan muka. Tapi I dari dulu lagik, balik dari keje basuh tangan muka mandi salin baju baru pergi dukung cium Maryam.

(3) Nak elak baby batuk time tido, sebelum tido letak air panas dalam mangkuk. Biarkan dalam 15-30minit, biar wap air absorb bad air. Kalau rumah ada air purifier, memang takde hal lah.

(4) Keep on breastfeeding your baby. Macam kes bagi fm I tak sure, rasanya only apply to bm aje kot. 

(5) Bagi baby banyak menom air masak dan fruits yang ada vitamin C. Macam Maryam still 100% milk, so I guess this one doesnt apply as well.

(6) Avoid smokers. Tak jerebu pun kena elak jugak kan? 

(7) Kalau baby ada eczema, bronchitis dan athsma lagik kena extra hygiene, extra precautions. 

(8) Kalau baby ada iritasi mata (mata merah-merah dan pedih), boleh titikkan air larutan garam (boleh cari kat farmasi). Ataupun 2-3 titik bm pun will help. 

(9) Stay indoor. Yang ne common sense kot. 

Key point adalah kebersihan, kebersihan dan kebersihan. Yang tu paling penting. Yang mak bapak, silalah minum banyak plain water. Nanti sakit tekak batuk, takut bejangkit dengan anak pulak. 

Stay hydrate and healthy. :)